I Scream...Well, You Know the Rhyme

Yesterday morning, just as she was getting ready to fix herself some lunch, and I was considering finishing that last 40 winks, The Bat got a call inviting us to sup with the extended family. When asked what we could contribute to the meal, the subject of dessert came up.

They like it when I bake.

Go figure.

Well, this time, I'd been seeing all my friends on social media sharing the simplest process for making ice cream without a churn. It promises that any idiot can make awesome stuff with only three ingredients, a mixer, and some room in your freezer.

And it's true. You can make a lovely, tasty ice cream with a pint of whipping cream, a 14-ounce can of sweetened condensed milk, and your flavor of choice. Some people go chocolate, some vanilla, some even go all coffee-crazy. The recipe adapts to your tastes.

What it doesn't necessarily do is make something lighter than a brick, once it's been in the freezer a few hours. Unless you disregard the instructions everybody gives you, where they say, "just dump everything into your mixer's bowl and whip it all light and fluffy like unicorn toots."

Okay, I added the simile. There are no unicorns mentioned in their promises.

But promises of fluffy, creamy dessert fall short, too. Dumping a can of sweetened, condensed milk into a bowl with a pint of whipping  cream is likely to make a sort of a sweet fatty goo. I know. I did it. No matter how long you beat this stuff, if you don't prep, you get uncooperative dairy products.

So, prep. Prep. Prep.

To make ice cream sandwiches using a variation on my favorite chocolate cake recipe, you'll need three (3) 12 inch by 17 inch jelly roll pans (also known as sided half sheet pans). I am specific about the size, because the cake batter will be stretched too thin by the 13 x 18 inch pan.

Line one cookie pan with plastic wrap and place in center of deep freezer, along with large mixing bowl and whisk attachment or beaters.

You will also need to refrigerate the whipping cream and sweetened condensed milk. Seriously. Put those cans in the fridge at least an hour before you start making the recipe.

While the dairy chills, take out your eggs for making the cake. The recipe calls for a full dozen egg yolks and ten egg whites, and I have all the grace of a circus bear, so, invariably I will let some yolk break while separating at least one egg for the meringue base to the sponge cake, so I bring 14 eggs out. If you feel brave, confident, reckless, stick to a dozen. But if you're like me, plan for the worst-case scenario.

All right. The dairy is chilled, the bowl and beaters are effing cold,  and you are ready to start.

Ice cream sammiches

Ingredients for ice cream:

1 pint (4 cups) whipping (or heavy) cream
2 cans (14 oz each) sweetened, condensed milk
1 Tablespoon orange liqueur (optional)

1 teaspoon vanilla 

Directions for ice cream:

In deeply chilled mixing bowl, pour whipping cream. On medium speed with chilled beaters or whisk attachment, beat cream until light and fluffy, about 4 - 5 minutes.

Add in orange liqueur, continuing to beat until mixed in.

With mixer still running on medium, gradually stream in the condensed milk until completely combined.

Quickly transfer to the half pan you've had waiting, lined with plastic, in the freezer. Cover with another sheet of plastic wrap, and allow to chill at least three hours, until firm.

And, now, the cake.

Cake ingredients:

12 eggs, separated

3/4 cup granulated sugar

3/4 cup extra fine granulated (bartender's) sugar (may use regular granulated)

1 cup plus 2 Tablespoons extra dark cocoa powder

3 Tablespoons orange liqueur like Grand Marnier

1 teaspoon vanilla 

Cake directions:

While the ice cream is chilling out, put the oven racks near center, and preheat your oven to 375° F. Line your remaining two jelly roll pans with parchment and grease the parchment well.

In a large mixing bowl with whisk attachment set to high speed, beat the egg yolks with 3/4 cup granulated sugar until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. add the orange liqueur and vanilla, mix in completely, then lower the speed of the mixer to slow, and add in the cocoa powder. Mix completely, then transfer to a medium bowl and set aside for the moment. (I cheat. I have two stand mixers, so I do both yolks and whites at the same time. It knocks about 10 minutes off the prep time, is all.)

Thoroughly clean and dry the large mixing bowl and whisk attachment, then wipe thoroughly with paper towel dampened in vinegar. Whip the dozen egg whites until they begin to become foamy, then, with mixer running on medium, add a slow stream of sugar until fully mixed in. 

Continue to beat until firm peaks form.

Once you have made the batter, divide it evenly between the two pans, bake about 15 minutes, or until it springs back from a light touch near the center (this is one time when slightly over-baking a sponge cake is not a crime).

Allow to cool completely in pans on cooling racks, then turn out onto fresh parchment on a flat cookie sheet or cooling rack. This cake will settle considerably in the center. If you want to make the edges even all the way around the ice cream bars, you can trim the bulbous edges away using kitchen shears (knives will likely leave a rough, torn-looking edge). (Personally, I like the extra cake with my ice cream.)

Place in deepfreeze until ice cream is completely set up and cake is slightly frozen.

Stack layers*, cut with large knife (you may want to dip the knife in warm water and then wipe clean between each slice), serve immediately, or wrap individual portions in plastic or parchment, and freeze for up to 5 weeks.

*When I was assembling my sandwiches, it was hot enough that the ice cream would have melted and squished out the sides when trying to cut through the frozen top layer of cake, so I pre-cut the top cake into 3-inch squares using a very large knife. Then I brought out the ice cream, removed the top sheet of plastic, and flipped the thing out onto the top of the bottom cake layer, removed the other sheet of plastic, then recruited The Bat to help adjust the thing, and quickly arrange the cake "tiles" on top of the ice cream layer before slicing the rest of the assemblage between those cake "tiles".

Dessert of Champions

Back into the freezer it went until just before I was ready to finish with the cutting into squares, transport (in Tupperware cookie boxes lined with parchment, buried in bags of ice, in our trusty monster cooler) and serve.