I Scream...Well, You Know the Rhyme

Yesterday morning, just as she was getting ready to fix herself some lunch, and I was considering finishing that last 40 winks, The Bat got a call inviting us to sup with the extended family. When asked what we could contribute to the meal, the subject of dessert came up.

They like it when I bake.

Go figure.

Well, this time, I'd been seeing all my friends on social media sharing the simplest process for making ice cream without a churn. It promises that any idiot can make awesome stuff with only three ingredients, a mixer, and some room in your freezer.

And it's true. You can make a lovely, tasty ice cream with a pint of whipping cream, a 14-ounce can of sweetened condensed milk, and your flavor of choice. Some people go chocolate, some vanilla, some even go all coffee-crazy. The recipe adapts to your tastes.

What it doesn't necessarily do is make something lighter than a brick, once it's been in the freezer a few hours. Unless you disregard the instructions everybody gives you, where they say, "just dump everything into your mixer's bowl and whip it all light and fluffy like unicorn toots."

Okay, I added the simile. There are no unicorns mentioned in their promises.

But promises of fluffy, creamy dessert fall short, too. Dumping a can of sweetened, condensed milk into a bowl with a pint of whipping  cream is likely to make a sort of a sweet fatty goo. I know. I did it. No matter how long you beat this stuff, if you don't prep, you get uncooperative dairy products.

So, prep. Prep. Prep.

To make ice cream sandwiches using a variation on my favorite chocolate cake recipe, you'll need three (3) 12 inch by 17 inch jelly roll pans (also known as sided half sheet pans). I am specific about the size, because the cake batter will be stretched too thin by the 13 x 18 inch pan.

Line one cookie pan with plastic wrap and place in center of deep freezer, along with large mixing bowl and whisk attachment or beaters.

You will also need to refrigerate the whipping cream and sweetened condensed milk. Seriously. Put those cans in the fridge at least an hour before you start making the recipe.

While the dairy chills, take out your eggs for making the cake. The recipe calls for a full dozen egg yolks and ten egg whites, and I have all the grace of a circus bear, so, invariably I will let some yolk break while separating at least one egg for the meringue base to the sponge cake, so I bring 14 eggs out. If you feel brave, confident, reckless, stick to a dozen. But if you're like me, plan for the worst-case scenario.

All right. The dairy is chilled, the bowl and beaters are effing cold,  and you are ready to start.

Ice cream sammiches

Ingredients for ice cream:

1 pint (4 cups) whipping (or heavy) cream
2 cans (14 oz each) sweetened, condensed milk
1 Tablespoon orange liqueur (optional)

1 teaspoon vanilla 

Directions for ice cream:

In deeply chilled mixing bowl, pour whipping cream. On medium speed with chilled beaters or whisk attachment, beat cream until light and fluffy, about 4 - 5 minutes.

Add in orange liqueur, continuing to beat until mixed in.

With mixer still running on medium, gradually stream in the condensed milk until completely combined.

Quickly transfer to the half pan you've had waiting, lined with plastic, in the freezer. Cover with another sheet of plastic wrap, and allow to chill at least three hours, until firm.

And, now, the cake.

Cake ingredients:

12 eggs, separated

3/4 cup granulated sugar

3/4 cup extra fine granulated (bartender's) sugar (may use regular granulated)

1 cup plus 2 Tablespoons extra dark cocoa powder

3 Tablespoons orange liqueur like Grand Marnier

1 teaspoon vanilla 

Cake directions:

While the ice cream is chilling out, put the oven racks near center, and preheat your oven to 375° F. Line your remaining two jelly roll pans with parchment and grease the parchment well.

In a large mixing bowl with whisk attachment set to high speed, beat the egg yolks with 3/4 cup granulated sugar until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. add the orange liqueur and vanilla, mix in completely, then lower the speed of the mixer to slow, and add in the cocoa powder. Mix completely, then transfer to a medium bowl and set aside for the moment. (I cheat. I have two stand mixers, so I do both yolks and whites at the same time. It knocks about 10 minutes off the prep time, is all.)

Thoroughly clean and dry the large mixing bowl and whisk attachment, then wipe thoroughly with paper towel dampened in vinegar. Whip the dozen egg whites until they begin to become foamy, then, with mixer running on medium, add a slow stream of sugar until fully mixed in. 

Continue to beat until firm peaks form.

Once you have made the batter, divide it evenly between the two pans, bake about 15 minutes, or until it springs back from a light touch near the center (this is one time when slightly over-baking a sponge cake is not a crime).

Allow to cool completely in pans on cooling racks, then turn out onto fresh parchment on a flat cookie sheet or cooling rack. This cake will settle considerably in the center. If you want to make the edges even all the way around the ice cream bars, you can trim the bulbous edges away using kitchen shears (knives will likely leave a rough, torn-looking edge). (Personally, I like the extra cake with my ice cream.)

Place in deepfreeze until ice cream is completely set up and cake is slightly frozen.

Stack layers*, cut with large knife (you may want to dip the knife in warm water and then wipe clean between each slice), serve immediately, or wrap individual portions in plastic or parchment, and freeze for up to 5 weeks.

*When I was assembling my sandwiches, it was hot enough that the ice cream would have melted and squished out the sides when trying to cut through the frozen top layer of cake, so I pre-cut the top cake into 3-inch squares using a very large knife. Then I brought out the ice cream, removed the top sheet of plastic, and flipped the thing out onto the top of the bottom cake layer, removed the other sheet of plastic, then recruited The Bat to help adjust the thing, and quickly arrange the cake "tiles" on top of the ice cream layer before slicing the rest of the assemblage between those cake "tiles".

Dessert of Champions

Back into the freezer it went until just before I was ready to finish with the cutting into squares, transport (in Tupperware cookie boxes lined with parchment, buried in bags of ice, in our trusty monster cooler) and serve.

Awesome, Easy, Most Decadent Brownies You'll Ever Experience (Gluten-Free and from a Mix!)

It's a cause for celebration that Aldi has started carrying gluten-free products in their baking section. Especially nice: their brownie mix can easily pass for regular, fudgy, somewhat gooey, gluten-filled dark brownies.

And, they can be dressed up so very easily, to make the kind of brownies you spend lots of money for, at those chi-chi little bakeries.

Oh, trust me. You don't need to add anything to the new line of gluten free baking mixes from Aldi, but if you're of the school of "don't use paint straight from the tube," you can create something almost criminally yummy.  All you need is the mix (and the eggs, butter, and water it calls for), plus 1/2 cup each of coarsely chopped toasted pecans, coarsely chopped dried tart cherries, and semisweet chocolate mini chips.

Follow the instructions on the box, to make the brownie batter. Stir in the nuts, cherries, and chips, pour into brownie pan, and bake as directed on the box. 

It's that simple, and they're this sinful:

Ain't misbehaving. No, really. I ain't. Well, not much, anyway.

Chocolate Shortbread Cookies

Still working on the components for a birthday cake, I needed a plaque upon which to write the birthday wishes.  I had considered doing a second batch of the chocolate sugar cookies, but I had run out of room in the refrigerator and freezer, and the dough for those required lots of room in both. Instead, I went for something I knew my mother would help me eat, so I wouldn't pack on more pounds (after having earned my 9-inch waist shrinkage this past two-year span). Needless to say, shortbread was a fine option, and very forgiving when one makes it with gluten-free flours.  (I use Bob's Red Mill GF All-Purpose Flour, but Bob's Red Mill also, now, has a GF 1:1 Baking Flour which has a character very much like the wheat-based AP flour)

In case you find shortbread cookies a little on the dry side (it depends upon my mood…and probably some sort of hormonal thing) you can easily frost these with your favorite frosting or icing. I topped the big cookie with my chocolate royal icing, and put the letters on it using wetted meringue powder, painted on with a brush, and then sprinkled with colored sugar.

Tender and Light Chocolate Shortbread Cookies

Ingredients:

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
1/3 cup unsweetened dark cocoa powder
2/3 cup confectioner's (powdered) sugar
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (or your preferred GF all-purpose flour)
pinch kosher salt

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325º F. (165º C.).

Line a cookie sheet with parchment or nonstick silicone sheet, ungreased.

In a medium or large mixing bowl, cream the butter (whip it up until it's light and fluffy). Continue to beat and gradually add in the confectioner's sugar, keeping it light and fluffy. At slow speed, mix in cocoa powder, flour, and salt.

When completely mixed, pat into a thick disc and wrap tightly in plastic, chill in refrigerator for at least 30 minutes, to stiffen and temper the dough for shaping.

Remove from refrigerator, place on silicone sheet or parchment, lay a sheet of plastic over the top (it will keep the dough from sticking to fingers or rolling pin), and roll or pat dough to a minimum of 1/4 inch, or a maximum, if you're feeling wild and crazy, of 1/2-inch thickness. Cut into shapes (I like the easy solution: take a large knife and cut the cookies into bars, about 1 inch by 3 inches. But, if you're ambitious, cut them into fancier shapes with actual cookie cutters). If your cookies are on the thicker side, pierce them each a couple times with a fork.

Place about an inch apart on the prepared cookie sheet. Bake for 20 minutes. Cool on rack.

Royal Icing of the Chocolate Persuasion

Chocolate Royal Icing for Adult Taste Buds

Ingredients:

4 cups confectioner's sugar

1/4 cup dark cocoa powder (Hershey's Special Dark works nicely)

1/4 cup meringue powder

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 Tablespoon Cointreau, or your own favorite orange liqueur

1/3 cup water (plus a little, to reach desired consistency)

Directions:

In a medium bowl, mix all dry ingredients.

In a small bowl, mix liqueur and water. Gradually stir or mix into the dry ingredients, until the mixture reaches the consistency of molasses. 

Using an electric mixer, whip until fluffy, like meringue.

This may be stored in the refrigerator for up to two weeks, with a sheet of plastic laid over the top to seal it from exposure to air.

Sculpting a White Rabbit Carrot Cake with All Sorts of Extras…

I made my last solo effort for a friend's daughter...next year, she will be turning thirteen, and will help design and construct her own cake, pooling our resources. This year, though, she got a rare bit.

I based the form (very loosely) upon the Tenniel drawing from Alice in Wonderland,

and, knowing my own abilities were VERY limited, I simplified more than a little, and still had a major project.

So, she had a magic-themed birthday party, with a white rabbit, playing cards, some Butterbeer...but that's another story. The Cake is what we're all about.

So, to introduce the cake:

It's a hare off-kilter, but that's life.

I'm betting you didn't know the White Rabbit's real name was Julius Caesar. This guy got et, too.

I know, I know – the poor hare looks like he's in the middle of an acupuncture session. I did try, initially, to build a ruffled collar which would also hold the candles, but the royal icing and the meringue options failed, so I was forced, at the last minute, to make a swirly, somewhat lace-topped disc of white chocolate, and didn't have the time or skill to place the candles in it without trashing them in transit, or to put dots of royal icing on it to receive the little sticks of wax upon their arrival at destination. So, we had a poor pitiful pincushion. 

But I imagine he looks quite spiffed up with flames surrounding his adorable meringue bunny ears (they didn't crumble the way so much else of meringue does when I'm under pressure).

For the record, there is quite a variety of foodstuffs involved in the making of this project. I made two cakes: one, in a giant cupcake mold, is a carrot/pecan/cranberry cake. His torso, legs, and head were those parts, carved up a bit to meet the needs of the design. He's leaning against a wall of more carrot cake – this time, gluten-free (substituting Bob's Red Mill All-Purpose GF Flour for the regular AP flour in the Bat's basic recipe) and fruit-free. He is assembled using two frostings: lemon royal icing (the glue), and lemon/cream-cheese/buttercream frosting (the decoration), both whipped to a fare-thee-well.

His collar is white chocolate, plain and simple, straight from the supermarket, melted in the microwave oven, and shaped on a turntable before chilling. His ears, arms, and trumpet are lemon-flavored meringue. The cards fanning the wall he's leaning upon are chocolate sugar cookies with a basic vanilla royal icing. The large placard is a tender gluten-free chocolate shortbread with a chocolate-cinnamon-Cointreau royal icing. Decorations on card and placard are done using meringue powder wash (a teaspoon of meringue powder mixed thoroughly with 3 tablespoons water), painted on, and then sprinkled with colored sugar.

I did also "spray paint" a few features: the trumpet and the hearts on his jerkin (torso parts). Wilton has some very nice edible paints in cans, and I have enjoyed taking advantage of them for occasional use. I suppose I could have gone over the top and bought some pearl dust, but…maybe next year. They carry a nice, wide variety of decorating products at my favorite boutique, but if you don't live in my region, you can find them all at Hobby Lobby, Michael's, or, of course, Amazon.

In the interim, I hope to eventually get the proper posts up, including the Bat's recipe for carrot cake & the cream cheese frosting, the chocolate shortbread cookie, and the chocolate royal icing. Let me gather my notes and energy, and I'll get right on that.  

Meanwhile, I ended up running out of steam by the end of the day.  My chauffeur (hi, Bat!) arrived a little before the celebrants were ready to approach the cake (they had hot dogs, chips, beans, and a few other picnic foods), and I, having had a very long week, opted to come home right away, rather than to stay and watch the candles lit and blown out. Besides, the party really was for the roomful of tweens. I'd have been the one basking in the glory of the evening, instead of making it about her.   If her grandparents share pictures of the cake or her face all lit up, I hope I can post them, too. 

For now, though, I rest my weary self and enjoy the evening, and hope you'll do the same with your time.

Gluten-Free Chocolate Coconut Surprise Cake

It has a secret...

It's the birthday of the friend who built my bed frame. Well, it was really his birthday a couple of days ago, but we're having a Friday night supper party, and I got the honor of baking his cakes. 

That's right, I said "cakes." Plural. 

This is partly because he and his family deserve it, partly because there will likely be a fairly large gathering, and mostly because one or two of us who will be there are a little sensitive to wheat, so there will be two: one cake is the standard white all-purpose flour treat, and the other is a variation on it, using a blend of non-wheat flours. 

I usually stick to the safe and affordable Bob's Red Mill GF All-Purpose flour for most baked items (biscuits, crackers, bread rolls, etc.), but when it comes to cake, I like a little more…something something cakey. Bob's GF AP flour can be a little beany and a little grainy, and some people (okay, that would be just me) kind of want a slightly more traditional tongue finish to our cakes, even when they're those dense pound cakes or brownie cakes, such as this one. This is supposed to be almost gooey in the middle and a little crispy in the crust, like a brownie wrapped around a macaroon. It called for a slightly different blend.

So, having just received a fresh batch of fine (pastry quality) sweet rice flour, I decided to add it to the mix. I'll be trying to make a batch of these, in a week or so, filled with lemon curd in anticipation of Pop's natal anniversary, but there's nothing in the rules of our kitchen to say I can't play with the stuff in other ways, ahead of that occasion.

At any rate, the cakes are baked and chilling. I'm also planning to make a dangerous ganache to send it over the top…we'll see how that goes. Not that this cake needs anything to cover it up. It's just that a tub or two of that rich chocolate goodness usually gets itself into the hands our resident designer/builder as a standard for this occasion, and I'd hate to give him an unpleasant surprise.

Meanwhile…chocolatey, coconutty, cakey cakeness:

Yummmmm

Gluten-free Chocolate Coconut Surprise Cake

Ingredients:

Coconut filling:
2 cups unsweetened coconut, finely shredded
1/2 cup sweetened condensed milk
1 large egg white, lightly beaten

Chocolate cake:
3 1/2 ounces fine extra-dark or bittersweet chocolate, chopped, melted and allowed to cool

1 1/2 cups of your favorite gluten-free all-purpose flour 

1/2 cup fine-ground sweet rice flour (also called sticky rice flour)
1 teaspoon xanthan gum
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons baking powder
scant 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
scant 1/2 teaspoon salt
6 ounces (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup plus 2 Tablespoons granulated sugar
3 large eggs
2 1/4 teaspoons  vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups plain Greek yogurt

Directions:

Coconut filling:

In a small bowl, thoroughly combine the coconut, condensed milk, and egg white.

On a sheet of plastic wrap, lay out mixture, roll tightly to form a rope approximately 18 inches long, place in refrigerator to chill at least a half hour.

Chocolate cake: 

Preheat oven to 325º F.*

Heavily grease bundt or tube pan and dust with corn starch or cocoa powder (I like cocoa powder, because it leaves no white residue on the cake when baked).

Chop the chocolate into 1/4 inch bits and place in a microwave-safe bowl. Place in microwave oven and cook on high 30 seconds. Stir. Place back in microwave oven and cook on high another 30 seconds. Stir. If still not melted, cook some more, in increments of 15 seconds, stirring and allowing to 30 seconds. When almost fully melted, stir until smooth, then let stand to cool back down to room temperature.

In a small mixing bowl, sift together the flours, xanthan gum, cocoa powder, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

In the large bowl of a stand mixer, beat butter with the standard beater paddle, until it is fluffy. Add sugar, beat on high until creamy and light. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating on high after each one until it is fully mixed before adding the next egg. When this is light and fluffy, add the vanilla, and, while the mixer still runs, pour in the melted chocolate, in a thin stream. Mix until batter is smooth and even.

Add in 1/3 of the dry ingredient combination, mixing well, then adding in 1/3 of the yogurt, again mixing well. Repeat with the next 1/3 dry mix, then yogurt, and then again to complete the process.

When everything is combined, it will make a very thick batter – almost a soft dough, resembling the batter of most good brownies. With a rubber spatula, scoop it out into the pan and with moistened spatula or fingers, create a central channel.

coco channel

Take the coconut rope out of the refrigerator, unwrap it and press it as deeply as you can into the top of the chocolate cake batter.

Ringdingdingding...

This is easier said than done, as the rope is fragile. Gently roll it out of the plastic wrap into the indentation. Smooth the chocolate batter around the coconut to make it level. You don't need to cover up the coconut. The chocolate will rise around it a tiny bit, but also, when it bakes up, the toasted coconut is less likely to stick to the parchment or cake plate than the chocolate is, and its flavor is awesome!)

Bake approximately 70 minutes, or until cake tester (or toothpick) inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean.

Allow to cool in pan on rack at least 1/2 hour. If necessary, loosen cake from pan with very thin, flexible blade. Place disc of parchment over top of cake, then cover that with cake platter. Carefully invert and remove pan from cake. Cover cake in ganache or chocolate glaze.

They won't see the coconut until you slice the cake (yes, that's the surprise. I know, it's not that big a surprise, but, hey, we get our little thrills where we can) and serve with ice cream or stout ale – or both.

*If you use regular, non-gluten-free all-purpose flour, you'll want to omit the xanthan gum,  set the oven to 350º F., and bake for only 60 minutes, or until the toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

It's a cake!

Simple Cocoa Glaze (fat free! vegan! gluten-free! hard-core sugar-and-cocoa rush!)

I like a good frosting usually, but there are times when a glaze is called for. This one has no fat, is gluten-free, lactose free, vegan, soy-free…basically, the only sin is in the sugar, and, well, who cares about that on a sunny spring morn? Just go ahead and throw this together for a simple way to finish a denser cake, or to top a bowl of ice cream…or even to pour into a glass of seltzer water.

Simple Cocoa Glaze

Ingredients:

1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup water
1 Tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

Directions:

In a 1-quart saucepan (or larger), combine sugar and water. Bring to a full rolling boil over medium-high heat, stirring to dissolve sugar.  Remove from heat, whisk in cocoa and vanilla. Allow to cool a few minutes, until it begins to film over. (It should have the color and consistency of something you drain from the oil pan of a recently-run – but not hot – 1972 Ford Maverick owned by a teen-aged girl, but will absolutely not smell or taste like it. Please wait to lick the pan, until you've finished glazing your cake.)

This will pan out

Brush a thin layer over cake, allow to dry slightly. Repeat at least 2 more times, each time allowing the glaze to dry a little before applying the next coat. When all the glaze is applied, refrigerate the cake until chilled and glaze begins to crackle.

This is delightful on denser chocolate cakes, such as pound cakes and brownie cakes. Covers one bundt cake with four to five layers and a few drips; the standard tube cake will only receive three coats, unless you want to be naughty and make a double batch. Which describes me to a tee.

Just waiting to crackle

Buche de Noël (Yule Log)

Coconut cream filling with added goodness; premium chocolate sponge cake; double-chocolate frosting with bonus. 

And candied cranberries.

Decadence without flour.

What's not to like?

Recipes for the cake elements posted in partes tres. 

In this cake, I used just over 2 cups coconut cream, and added to the whipped coconut cream for filling, in these amounts:

1 Tablespoon finely grated fresh ginger

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon powdered vanilla

1 teaspoon cocoa powder

3 Tablespoons orange liqueur

I topped the cake with a sprinkling of ultrafine granulated sugar for the snow, and tossed in a few candied cranberries...the flavor combination of the orangey chocolatey cake and the sweet-tart berries is amazing!

Update, December 2014: this year, I traded up, for the filling. I went from a simple whipped coconut cream to a white chocolate/coconut cream/orange liqueur mousse. It held its form better in the center of the cake, and ended up with a not-too-sweet, well-balanced finish.

The rest of the process remained the same.

It was still a big hit.

Dark Chocolate Frosting

In case you aren't familiar with me, I like chocolate.

Well, that probably would be labeled a gross understatement.

Given the opportunity, I could probably exist on nothing but chocolate. And I'd start with good frosting, like this stuff. It has a lovely texture, the sort to hold its shape if you use it for piping and other decoration, and a flavor to die for.

I worked this down and adapted for my own use, from a recipe a friend found for me.  It can easily be doubled, but under normal circumstances, one single batch should cover a normal two-layer cake. Or a nice buche de noël.

Dark Chocolate Frosting


Ingredients:

3/4 pound (one 12 ounce package) good-quality semisweet chocolate morsels
1 cup (2 sticks) plus 2 Tablespoons butter
2 Tablespoons confectioner's sugar, sifted
pinch salt

1/3 cup unsweetened Dutch-processed cocoa powder

1/3 cup boiling water

2 Tablespoons orange liqueur

Directions:

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or by microwave oven (if microwave, begin at full power for one minute, then, in thirty second increments, stirring after each time, until nearly smooth, so you can stir the last remaining lumps out of it. Do not overcook, or it will congeal and be unworkable! Allow to stand until no longer warm to the touch, but still melted.

Combine cocoa and boiling water, stirring until cocoa is completely dissolved. Add orange liqueur and combine well.

With electric mixer on medium-high, beat butter, confectioner's sugar and salt until light, pale and fluffy. Reduce speed to low, add melted, cooled chocolate, scraping sides of bowl as needed. Add in cocoa mixture, beat in completely.

Wait until you've finished frosting your cake before you lick the spoon and spatula, but enjoy the beaters right away.

Chocolate Sponge Cake (Fudgy Genoise)

One can make an awesome, quite large buche de noël using this recipe. Or, just a lovely delicate sheet cake.

Any way you look at it, it's nice to have a rich, yet gluten-free bit of naughtiness to share around…

Chocolate Sponge Cake

Ingredients: 

12 egg yolks

1 1/2  cups sugar, divided

10 egg whites

1 cup cocoa powder, sifted

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons vanilla or 1 teaspoon vanilla and 3 tablespoons orange liqueur 

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375º F.

Line a large jelly roll pan (sided cookie sheet, 14"x 20" or somewhat larger) with well-greased parchment.  Also line an 8"x8" or 9"x9" shallow brownie pan the same way.*

In the bowl of a standing mixer, beat the egg yolks with 3/4 cup sugar on high until pale and fluffy (about 5 minutes). Add salt and vanilla, then beat in cocoa powder. Transfer to another bowl and set aside.

Thoroughly clean and dry mixing bowl and whisk. Beat egg whites on medium-high until they form soft peaks. While the mixer is still running, gradually add in remaining sugar about a tablespoon at a time until mixture is glossy and stiff peaks form.

Stir well about 1/4 of egg white mixture into egg yolk/cocoa mixture to make it a little lighter. Gently fold in the remaining egg whites.

Transfer the mixture to the prepared baking sheets, spreading the batter just barely even with the tops of the pans. Bake 10 (for the smaller) to 15 minutes, until cake springs back when touched at center. 

Cool on rack. Cake will deflate slightly.

If making a buche de noël or other rolled cake, allow the large sheet cake to cool only about 5 minutes. Using a cooling rack or a larger flat cookie sheet and a towel dusted with cocoa powder, turn cake out of pan (be sure the cake is NOT centered in the towel, but to one side or the other, with only an inch or two extra border on the one side. Start by rolling the wider towel edge and then very gently roll the cake around it, and allow to cool completely while preparing your choice of creamy filling. 

When cool, carefully unfurl the cake, spread the filling thickly, use the towel to re-roll as tightly as possible. Again using the towel, transfer the cake to cake plate, outer seam side down. If you like, you can serve lightly dusted with confectioner's sugar or superfine granulated sugar. Or slather it with your favorite ganache or frosting.

Serves 12-16.

*I have updated this to include a second, small pan, because this recipe has consistently expanded beyond a single jelly roll pan's sides, leaving a "muffin top" effect which, while tasty on its own, makes rolling more difficult and a bit unattractive unless you dig out a good knife and trim it all to heck (which, I will concede, gives us tasty crumbs to nibble before the grand unveiling, but we're trying to avoid being naughty until after Christmas morning).  I suggest saving the smaller cake for a later date, perhaps to use in a New Year's trifle, or freezing it until St. Valentine's Day and making something decadent without the added effort.

Never Eat a Heath Bar Again

English Toffee

Every Christmas season, the Bat and I feel compelled to make at least one large batch of candies for gifts, because...well, just because. The batch usually involves dark chocolate truffles, fudge, and these toffees. We'd make them at other times of the year, but people would wonder what was wrong, why were we giving out candies, then we'd end up eating them all out of paranoid guilt. And certainly my girth needs no such enhancement. Therefore, this becomes pretty much strictly a holiday treat for us (more is the pity). In fact, 90% of this particular batch in the photos went to a friend's place of business – where one of his customers sampled a piece and said afterward, "I'll never eat a Heath Bar again!"

Hence the title of the blog entry.

The Toffee recipe is originally from the Bat's well-worn copy of The Freezer Cookbook, by Charlotte Erickson, with no real adaptations other than that you can swap out sea salt or fleurs de sal for the pecans...or even in addition to it, if your little heart desires.

Still, if you want to make the stuff any time, all you need is a few basic ingredients, a 2 - quart (or slightly larger) saucepan, a well-BUTTERED jelly roll pan (a cookie sheet with sides), and a reliable candy thermometer. And a stove. Those really do come in handy when you want to cook.

All right, then. I've had my moment of silliness, now it's time for the rich and sweet:

English Toffee (double batch)

Ingredients:
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups (1 pound) butter
6 Tablespoons water
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate morsels
1 1/2 cups finely chopped pecans

Directions:
In medium or large saucepan, combine butter, sugar, and water. Cook over moderately high heat to the hard - crack stage (300° F. on your candy thermometer).

Bring to boil

Watch closely, stirring occasionally, with greater frequency toward the end of cooking time, to prevent burning.

Caramel stage

When the liquid reaches 300°F.,  immediately remove from heat and pour into generously - buttered jelly roll pan. Immediately sprinkle chocolate morsels over the top of the hot mixture and spread as soon as the chocolate has melted.

In pan with chocolate

 Sprinkle with nuts.

Chocolate, pecans,  and SCOOOORE!

With a buttered blade, you should score the candy into 1-  or 1 1/2 - inch pieces. Let cool completely. Break apart and share. Or don't share, if you're not afraid of a little gluttony.

Dangerously fudgy breakfast bars

Danger, Will Robinson! These are actually sort of good for you!

My friend Asteroidae and I have a weekly appointment on Thursdays, to make a batch of breakfast bars for her to have on hand in the mornings. We started this because she has the same problem I used to have – it's nigh impossible to jump start in the morning, and we've thus both been too rushed to eat a nutritious breakfast. This way, when she's running behind (and, like me, that's fairly often) she will be able to reach into the refrigerator and grab a portable handful of breakfast. Plus, she gets to learn more cooking and baking techniques. Double-plus, we have an excuse to enjoy each other's company.

And, as further benefit, her family gets to share in the tasty treasures, I get to play in the kitchen without having consequences to my girth, and…well, the list goes on.


Since this week was interrupted by Halloween, though, and Asteroidae spent the afternoon with her family, carving pumpkins and putting finishing touches on their decorations, I was left to my own devices. Sigh.

Rather than mope around, I decided I'd go ahead and work up another pile of stuff I don't need, so that when Asteroidae and her brother arrived, I'd have a few bags of tasty treats for them, anyway.

A week ago, we made a batch of hazelnut-fudge breakfast bars, using the popular spread and a recipe I found online. After I'd bragged about the treats to my friends on social networks, one of them commented that her kids couldn't have hazelnuts. Was there a variation I could find?

Unfortunately, the hazelnut spread has its own particular flavor and texture, so it's pretty difficult to replace its fudgy richness. Fortunately, I had recently discovered jars of Nutkao Gran Cremeria spread in the imported foods section of my favorite nearby Big Lots store.

If you have severe allergies, this is still not the option you need, as the label clearly indicates Nutkao manufactures its dark chocolate spread in the same facilities, with the same equipment with which hazelnuts, soy, and other nuts are processed. But if you're looking for a nice non-nut spread for this recipe or others, this Italian company has a very tasty, dangerously chocolatey option... and it makes awesome breakfast bars!

Dangerously Fudgy Breakfast Bars

Ingredients:

4 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup Dutch process cocoa powder
1 cup butter (2 sticks) (You can substitute coconut oil, but it will change the flavor, obviously)
1 cup milk or substitute (I used plain soy)

1 jar (350 grams) Nutkao Gran Cremeria Dark Chocolate Spread,* warmed to soften
5 cups quick oats (not instant)
1 cup chopped pecans (optional)
1/2 cups dried cherries or cranberries (optional)
2 Tablespoons powdered vanilla


Directions:

Grease and line with parchment one 8x14x2" roasting/baking pan.

In a 3 quart (or larger) saucepan or stockpot, mix sugar, cocoa, and soymilk. On medium-high heat, stir constantly until the butter is melted and the mixture comes to full, rolling boil. Allow to boil 1 minute without stirring, then remove from heat.

Stir in Nutkao Chocolate Spread until completely blended, then add the oats, pecans, cherries, and vanilla. Stir until well-mixed. Pour into baking pan, spread evenly, allow to cool in refrigerator or freezer.


*I found this imported product at a Big Lots store in my neck of the woods, but it may not be available in every region. It is much thicker and more fudgy than most chocolate toppings, but, if you wish, you may choose to substitute a popular hazelnut/chocolate spread. However, if you do, it will not be as darkly chocolatey, and its decadence may be diminished. Okay, the hazelnut (or other nut spread) recipe, since it is less darkly delicious, will probably be snitched by kids more, so if you're a dark chocolate fanatic & want to protect your shares, avoid making that change…

Not designed to be shared.

Note: under normal circumstances, one makes these treats using quick oats. I had some rolled oats on hand, but they were of the sort which take a little longer to turn to mush in the mornings. They make the bars denser, chewier, and hold a slightly nuttier flavor than the quick oats do, if you like that sort of thing. 

A Spot of Orange: Yellow Cake, Chocolate Frosting Revisited

I had a leftover white cake mix from when I made the birthday cake for my favorite local Monkey Boy, and I don't much care for letting those things take up space in the pantry, unless there's nothing else I can do. But today, while waiting for laundry and paint (well, varnish) to dry, I had the opportunity to play in the kitchen, again.

Aside from the cake mix, I had a little fresh orange juice…well, actually, more than a little. I had neglected to grate off the rind from them before I juiced them, so I hadn't really thought the process would serve all that well, except that I still had a bowlful of clementine tangerines (not cuties brand, but about the same size and sweetness), all of which could be peeled and tossed into a salad for tonight's supper, so there I had what I needed.

So, I baked a cake and frosted it, using up a few leftovers.*

Cleaning house, with real gusto.

Preheat oven to temp recommended on mix box (mine said 350º F). Take out butter and cream cheese for frosting, let warm up to room temp. If it's a cool day, soften slightly in microwave oven. Do not allow to melt!

For the cake

Ingredients:
1 box of your favorite white cake mix (I usually prefer Aldi's, but today's was a Major Name Brand with pudding in the mix. Still, any good mix will do in a pinch)
1 cup plus 1 Tablespoon fresh orange juice
1/3 cup canola oil
3 eggs (or, for lower cholesterol, 4 egg whites)
1 teaspoon tangerine rind, finely grated


Mix cake ingredients according to instructions on box, substituting orange juice for water and adding in grated rind. Pour batter into well-greased cake pan lightly dusted with flour. Bake according to box instructions, until a toothpick or cake tester comes out of the center clean.

Cool completely, remove from pan.

For the frosting

Ingredients:
1 brick (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1 stick (1/2 cup) butter, softened to room temperature
1Teaspoon finely grated tangerine rind 
1 lb (4 cups) confectioner's sugar (powdered sugar)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 Tablespoon orange juice
1 teaspoon vanilla

While cake is baking, cream butter and cream cheese until light and fluffy. Mix in fruit rind. With mixer on low, add 1 cup sugar, mix well. Add 1-2 Tablespoons cocoa power, mix well. Add another cup powdered sugar, mix, add more cocoa, and continue mixing and adding portions until all blended. With mixer on high, gradually add in orange juice and vanilla, keep mixing until frosting is lightly fluffy.

Cool in refrigerator at least 1/2 hour before applying to cake.



*This cake comes out somewhere between light and fluffy and dense as a pound cake. If you want a lighter, fluffier version, use a no-pudding-in-the-mix variety and add an extra egg white.

Extra-Special Chocolate Chip Cookies

The Bat says this recipe is a variation on one she found on a bag of chocolate chips, but it wasn't the Toll House recipe.  I don't rightly know… sometimes she likes pulling my poor, twisted and abused leg.  But any way you look at it, most recipes you find on bags of chocolate chips don't make a whopping 5 dozen heaping-tablespoons-of-dough cookies.  They seem to think the average American family will never have teen-aged boys, so they provide you with enough dough to make a couple dozen "modest" cookies.  You know, the kind that pass as a single serving when you ask official dietitians. When you ask mothers, though, a serving is whatever size will fill a young mouth so no sass can come out of it for the moment.

So, my mother made these cookies.  Or, rather, she made the dough and some cookies. We lived dangerously, back then, and nobody died from raw dough in the digestive tract. If, on the other hand, you worry about that sort of thing, feel free to make a substitution of pasteurized liquid egg white where the recipe calls for eggs.  Or, live life for the moment.

Either way, bake yourself a batch of the best chocolate chip cookies I ever had.  In theory, the recipe makes 5 dozen MONSTER cookies.  In our reckless house, I've never seen the dough left alone long enough to get the whole thing into the oven, but maybe you'll have some luck with that.

Extra-Special Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cups shortening* (do NOT use cooking oil)
2 cups brown sugar
2  cups granulated sugar
6 large or jumbo eggs
2 Tablespoons vanilla
2 teaspoons salt

7 cups sifted all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons baking soda

5 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, chocolate chunks, or Heath Bits O'Brickle
3 cups coarsely chopped pecans (optional)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375º F.

With mixer, cream shortening and sugar until very fluffy (about 5 minutes).  Add eggs, one at a time, beating thoroughly. Add vanilla and salt.

In another bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and soda. Add to creamed mixture and stir until completely mixed.

Add in chips and nuts.

Drop by heaping TABLESPOONS onto ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake 12-15 minutes, or until beginning to turn golden-brown on top.

[This dough may be formed into balls or tubes and frozen for up to five months.]


*Mom uses butter, & leaves them slightly undercooked by setting the oven at 350º F, to make soft, gooey, extra-tasty cookies. 

Fudge Nut Layer Bar Cookies (with 30% less guilt than straight fudge)

What do you get when you fix straight fudge and eat the batch?  Besides guilt, probably some digestive disorders.  But this treat, which the Bat used to fix for our parties about once every six months or so, at least gives us the Bill Cosby breakfast option.

The recipe was, once, a Pillsbury Bake-off winner.  Naturally, when the recipes come up in their little cookbooks, they're written to feed a reasonable family of four or so.  Our family is neither four nor reasonable.  Plus, we have lots of friends who like it when we play in the kitchen, because we like to share (when we can).  So the original recipe fits into a 9"x9" baking pan, but the Bat's variation requires a greased 12"x17" (or thereabouts) jelly roll pan and a very level oven.

It also calls for walnuts, but we don't eat those, in this house, due to allergies.  If you like them, you can substitute them for the pecans.

The original recipe also requires a double-boiler and patience.  We have a nice microwave oven and patience be damned.  Waiting for these?... I don't think so.

Decadence… and nutrition

Fudge Nut Layer Bar Cookies

Ingredients:


for the fudge layer
2 cups (a 12-ounce bag) of your favorite semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 can (14 oz.) sweetened condensed milk
3 Tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans

for the cookie layers
2 1/2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter
2 cups firmly-packed brown sugar
2 eggs. unbeaten
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
3 cups quick-cooking rolled oats
1/2 cup coarsely  chopped pecans


Directions:


Preheat oven to 350º F.

In a microwave-safe bowl, warm chocolate chips and butter at high temperature until melted (about 2 minutes, depending upon your nuke).  Add sweetened condensed milk, salt, vanilla.  Stir until mixed.  If needed,  reheat slightly before stirring in chopped nuts.   Set aside.

In a medium bowl, sift together flour, soda, and salt.  Set aside.

In mixer bowl, cream butter, gradually mix in brown sugar.  Add eggs, vanilla.  Blend well.

Stir in dry flour mixture, then add rolled oats.

In greased (or really good non-stick) jelly roll pan, spread two thirds of the cookie dough to make bottom crust.  Cover with fudge mixture.  Drop (crumble) remaining cookie dough by teaspoonfuls over top of chocolate filling. Sprinkle with chopped nuts.

Bake 25 to 30 minutes, until lightly browned.  Cool.  Cut into bars.

What the egg lady left behind

Long years ago, when the milkman still drove through the neighborhood delivering dairy products, there was also an egg lady.  At least, there was in our neighborhood.  In fact, the egg lady continued to deliver eggs to us long after we fetched our milk from the supermarket.  Mrs. Bennett always gathered the freshest, largest, best eggs one could ever hope to have, and she delivered right to the side door of our house.

Better than the eggs, though, Mrs. Bennett left a handful of dangerously decadent dessert recipes with the Bat.  The aforeposted Illini Bars, for example, came from her recipe files.  And, now, more of her chocolate treats must be made known to the general populace.

Today, we have brownie drops, aka, "those awesome little chocolate cookies with the chocolate mini-chips and the frosting that's probably going to kill me..." (this is the double recipe she recommends).

Brownie Drops


Ingredients:
1 cup butter or oleo
3  1-oz. squares unsweetened chocolate
2 cups brown sugar
1 cup buttermilk
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
3 1/4 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon NaCl (salt)
1 12-oz bag of chocolate mini-chips



Directions:
Preheat oven to 350.

Melt the butter and unsweetened chocolate squares.

Add sugar, buttermilk, egg and vanilla.  Mix thoroughly.

Sift together dry ingredients.  Add to chocolate mixture.  Stir in chocolate chips.  Drop by tablespoons onto greased cookie sheet.  Bake 10-12 minutes.  While still warm, frost with chocolate glaze (recipe below).

Makes 10 dozen.


Chocolate glaze:


Melt 1 square of unsweetened chocolate  and 4 Tablespoons butter or oleo.  Blend in 2 cups powdered sugar, 2 Tablespoons hot water, and 1 teaspoon vanilla.

I'm not sure Chief Illiniwek would be able to refuse

I've seen variations on this recipe online a bit, recently, & had to ask the Bat for her copy, because, no matter how good the others look, Mom's brownies are always the best.  And, these are perfect for spoiling friends around the holidays.

(I will try to add pix later, after I've finished making a batch or two, but, for now, I'm just copying the Bat's recipe card into a format I can read without the smudges.)



Illini Bars


Ingredients:


(for the brownies)
2 heaping Tablespoons cocoa powder
3/4 cup butter
3 cups sugar
6 large eggs
1/4 teaspoon NaCl (salt)
3 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
3-5 cups all-purpose flour


(for the gooey middle part)
1 full (1 lb.) bag of Kraft (or equal quality brand) caramels, unwrapped
1/3 cup evaporated milk
6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350º F.

Unwrap caramels from bag.  Melt with milk in microwave (it should take about 2 minutes maximum), or, in double-boiler on stovetop.   Set aside.

Melt butter, mix in cocoa powder.  Add sugar, eggs, salt, and vanilla, then add enough flour that the dough is very thick, yet not crumbly.  Spread half of dough into bottom of jelly roll pan, bake for 6 minutes.  Remove from oven, sprinkle chocolate chips over half-cooked dough, then spread caramel mixture over that.  Finally, crumble remaining dough over the caramel, return this to oven, bake another 20 minutes, until done.  For best results, serve warm.

Brownies that justify government-paid prices

This particular batch, I added chopped dried cherries to the recipe below.at the same time I added the chocolate chunks and the chopped pecans. I then served it with ice cream, whipped coconut milk, and the Bat's super-rich fudge sauce. 

It was somebody's birthday, but I really didn't need the excuse. 

Recently in the news there was an article showing that, at many government-agency brunches, luncheons and dinners, the taxpayer has forked over for some rather... ummm... not-cost-cutting delicacies, such as $5-apiece Swedish meatballs, $7.32 apiece Beef Wellington hors d'oeuvres, and $8 brownies.  Now, I wasn't at any of these events, so I can't say for certain that the treats cited were worth your having paid some strangers to enjoy them,  but I can be sure that, if the brownies were anything like the Bat's favorites, there would be people willing to swap eight buckeroos for one chocolate nummy, and they would not necessarily be seen as crazy.

She picked up this particular recipe from a regional magazine about six years ago, thinking it sounded pretty good, then received a gift package which included a couple of samples of the original company's treats.  They were awesome, but contained something for which I have allergies and she has intolerances (in that she can't stand the taste)...  she adapted, then aided and abetted one of my vices, and they're now beyond awesome, In My Humble Opinion.

They're almost enough to start a church around. Or, at the very least, have the Feds knocking at your door, bringing charges of producing addictive substances without a license.


Better-than-government Brownies


Ingredients: 
13 Tablespoons butter (no substitutions)
6 1/2 ounces fine unsweetened chocolate, coarsely chopped
1 1/2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 large eggs
2 cups granulated sugar
1 1/4 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup coarsely chopped roasted pecans
6-7 ounces fine-quality, chopped bittersweet or semisweet chocolate bars, or semisweet chips

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350º F.  Grease a 13x9x2-inch baking pan, set aside.

In small pan on low heat, melt butter and chocolate, stirring constantly until completely melted and smooth.  Allow to cool a bit.

Into a small bowl, sift flour, baking powder, and salt.  Set aside.

In large mixing bowl, beat eggs and sugar with mixer on high speed, scraping sides of bowl occasionally,  until lemon-colored and fluffy (about 5 minutes).  Add in cooled chocolate mixture and vanilla.  Beat on low heat until combined.  Add flour mixture, beat on low speed until just combined, scraping sides of bowl - avoid overbeating, because it will prematurely activate the gluten and make the brownies tough.  Stir in pecans and bittersweet chocolate chunks/chips.

Spread batter in prepared baking pan.  Bake 30 minutes  or until brownies just begin to pull away from sides of pan and center appears set.  DO NOT OVER-BAKE.   Cool in pan on wire rack.  Cut into medium bars.*  Serve.

*The Bat says the original recipe suggests cutting them into 3x3-inch squares, but one that size would actually feed four people...  they're very rich.  Make 'em smaller and share the guilt around.